just a few points i'd like to make:

-i'm going to start updating this more regularly. it's always so nice to go back and see what you wrote like, a few years down the line.
-to update you, my friends that have been neglected since i moved back to alberta
-i made a new flickr account. i won't post a link till i'm happier with my uploads.



-i. am. happy.

DEAR LIVEJOURNAL,

I'VE OFFICIALLY NOT UPDATED YOU IN SIX MONTHS

LOVE, APRIL MARIE (:

In celebration of me not posting in about over a week, I will leave you all with this lengthy survey.
I'm sure answers about what I've been up to lately can be found within its context.

Where is the boy you like now?
Quite honestly, I don't know.  And despite everything, I don't really care right now!

What were you doing Friday night?
Uhhhhh, I'm going to guess that I was at work.

Name something you did yesterday?
Worked with Brittney!  We got soaked by the rain afterwards too haha

Last person you text messaged?
Brittney hah

Who was the last person to call you?
According to my cellphone, it'd be my mommy.

What are you doing right now?
Trying to get my lip ring through my lip.  I think this one might be a RIP.

Next time you travel out of the country where will it be to?
Southern California, for my mommy's wedding

What color are your eyes?
Green

Are you allergic to anything?
Metal

Are you dating the last person you kissed?
Right now, this question is a "haw haw"

Last place you ordered food from?
Leanne ordered Brittney and I pizza to Superstore yesterday if we would stay later, hahaha

Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Brittneyyy

Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
I haven't stopped singing

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yeah -___-

Who knows a secret or two about you?
Absolutely no one.

When was the last time you lied?
Probably today.

Do you like fire?
This is an odd question.

Did you have a nap today?
Yes!  My whole day was a nap before work.

What is your favorite drink?
Pepsi.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Fuck that.

Is anyone jealous of you?
I sure hope so

Have any regrets?
Nope.

Where were you 1 hour ago?
Supastore

Where were you 8 hours ago?
Here, sleeping.

Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Nope, never

Is cheating ever okay?
I'd say no

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Steven and Brittneyyyyyyyyyyy

What are you looking forward to?
Moving.  And at the same time, I'm not too haha.

Have you kissed anyone in the past week?
No!  I'm a fail!

What are you listening to ?
Me, typing.

Favorite Sports Team?
Uhhhhhhhhhh

What song do you want played at your funeral?
Not something I think about often haha

What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Sleeping!

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
"I need a shower"

Who will you be with this Saturday night?
Probably a lot of people.  Brittney fo sho though

What woke you up this morning?
Uhhhh, me

Is tomorrow going to be a good night?
Yes! Brittney and I are shopping! hahaha

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
I did not ):

How many myspace accounts do you have?
One now.

Do or did you like school?
I HATED school.

Would you take a bullet for anyone?
My momma bear, my bro and my sis yo.

Where would you like to live?
Albertaaaaaaa

Does your crush like you?
Naw, that's cool though.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully having accomplished something

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Pretty sure I got this done twice (And an update from a few questions ago: I got it through, still have two holes in my lip)

Does a kiss make your cuts feel better?
No, it hurts a lot actually

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor
Not from drinking, just from being so sick and puking the life outta me

Can you cook?
YES.  Ask Brittney (:

What shoe do you put on first, left or right?
Never really noticed o.o

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Everyday

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
hahahahha!  I've never had two at the same time

Have you ever thought about your death?
No why would I!

Where do you put your towel after taking a shower?
The floor, cause I'm a dick.

What color is your shower curtain?
Green

Have you ever had stitches?
Nope

Are you straight?
This question's stupid.  But yes.

Did you believe that girls have cooties?
Yes.  All of them!

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
Yes!

Can you finish the phrase, “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”
Sponge Bob Squarepants.  Duh.

Do you sometimes believe that guys have PMS?
That's like, impossible

Who was the last person you couldn’t take your eyes off of?
Really cute guy at Superstore.  He was beautiful.

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
yeahh

Have you ever run over an animal?
Dylan ran over that squirrel ):

What is your favourite cereal?
Golden Grahams!  I ate some this morning but threw up shortly after ):

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter ?
no

Have you gotten a text today?
Like a million

From who?
Brittney, Steven, Dylan, Facebook and Twitter

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
I don't see the problem.

Where’s your favorite place to be?
Sleeping in bed, no joke.

It’s Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?
Work.  Or home.

Who are the last four people to send you a text message?
Facebook, Brittney, Steven, Dylan.

What are you listening to?
This was asked.

Your christmas list consists of?
Camera equipment!

Your ex just asked you out and you say?
Totally depends on the ex.

You’re going to New York for school shopping, where do you go first?
The store.... hahaha

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
Quite honestly, Garage

How do you feel about your hair?
It needs to be shaved off

What time do you wake up for school?
Even when I weent to school I didn't wake up for it

What movie is in your DVD player?
I Am Legend.  Soooooooo goooooooooood.

Last two numbers in your phone number?
45

Who calls you by a nickname
Lots of different people.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The edge

Do you like roller coasters?
fuck no

Favorite T.V. show?
Metalocalypse hahahaha

Your last IM was from?
Rae, from a while back.

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone of the opposite sex?
I don't really plan these things

What do your pants look like?
Dress pants for work, woo

Are you tired ?
Kind of actually.

Do you have to pee?
no

Would you kiss the cook of tonights dinner?
No one cooked for me!!!!!

Laugh much?
All the fricken' time.

What are your plans for Saturday?
Really really really really don't know yet.

Favorite sit down restaurant?
Boston Pizza ftw!

Bubble gum flavor of choice?
That blue stuff Steven always has

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Happy!

The most excitement you had this week
I absolutely freaked out on a lady today in hopes of her complaining about me.  My logic's been so fucked today.

What do you usually order at Taco Bell?
Veggie soft shell taco!

Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind?
Yes

When was the last time you were up all night?
I don't even remember

Do you ever think about the price of gasoline?
hahahaha, quite often actually.

Do you sleep with a fan on?
YES.  PRIORITY

What’s the best thing about winter?
Sledding, woooooo

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
Almost never hahaha

How many states have you been to?
None!

Are you currently planning a trip?
Yes!

Who was the last person you read something out loud to?
Brittney, my schedule.

Last time you forced yourself to do something?
Forced myself to not call in today

Have you ever googled your name and found somebody?
No!

Who’s your number one?
Hailey Ellen Berge

Can you drive?
Noppe

What makes you feel like you are young again?
Going to shows actually.

Do you ever type “kik” or “;p’;” instead of “lol”?
I never type lol.

Do you know how to play chess?
yes!

Whats on your mind right now?
How stoked I am to sleep

Not going to lie, I feel a bit better today.  Although as it all sets in, I keep thinking about it over and over and over and I'm still hurt.  I don't even know how to get over it or if I ever will.

I feel better because of the following:

-Work was actually fun today.  Like, tons of fun.
-I unloaded all the shit that's been bugging me for the past three days or so on Steven.  And I feel so much better.  He kind of just sits there, listens and drives, and doesn't speak until I'm done or need him to speak.  He takes it all too; I get extremely emotional and occasionally yell a remark or two his way but he takes it.  I am SERIOUSLY going to miss that stupid boy.
-Brittney came over for a BBQ that my family had.  Brittney's excellent company.
-Percy made me avacado and tomato salad, it was sooooo unbelievably good.
-The nice, concerned text messages I received from Dylan, Jenny, among other people.  It's nice to know that some of you guys are still listening to me. (I really mean it, thanks.)
-Garden Center getting set up today and I get to work it this week!

Still in a really..... down mood and everything
But I won't let it get in the way of enjoying my last few months in Manitoba.

I'm so excited to move, you have no idea.

I've been avoiding the internet.  I've been avoiding pretty much anything that reminds me that I interact with people outside of my house.


The past few days have been... interesting, to say the least.  Quite honestly I'm not too sure what I think of anyone or anything.  I feel like my trust has been violated to a great extent by the person I least expected.  At first, I didn't really realize how much I cared but then once I sat with it by myself and my own thoughts... well, here we are.

Most terrible feeling in the world, honestly.  I'm re-evaluating all of my relationships with absolutely everyone in my life, and I mean everyone.  I feel like shit to the point where I might just make a nice little nest in my room and live in there for the rest of my life by myself.

Even worse than all these feelings though, is what these feelings are causing me to do.  I'm getting in fights with people that I've grown up with and never fought with.... I'm saying things I don't mean, ugh.  I'm mad at all the wrong people but can't get mad at the right ones because I can't man up and face what was done.

I never realized I'm so fucking blind.

I'm sorry if you're getting in the middle of this.  ESPECIALLY if you don't deserve it.

I also talked to my dad on the phone today.  First time in over a year and I don't know.  It brought up other feelings and now I'm fighting with Dylan.... the only person that I'm ever 100% certain that I can trust and who will be there for me.

But as I said before, I'm even questioning that.

I never thought I'd ever had this problem.
But
You hurt me, and I hope you realize that.
I know you're hurting about this too in many different ways.  Which is exactly why I won't bring up any of this to you.
But I really really hope that you realize that you crossed boundaries, violated unwritten laws between best friends, broke trust that I honestly don't think that you're going to regain.
And it sucks.  Because our friendship was the best thing in my life and seriously, the most innocent.
No fights, no arguments, absolutely nothing but truly having each other's backs through anything for five fucking years.
True brahs
It all feels like it's all gone to shit and like I'm wasting my time.
All I ever do is make sure that you're okay and happy
But apparently, THAT feeling isn't mutual.



I don't know.
Maybe it's depression settling in, maybe it's just lack of sleep or the words of someone who's being overworked for the past few days.
But I'm truly burnt out.
I feel like shit.  I feel like I have no one for the first time in forever.
And I don't even want to cry about it, that's the weirdest part.
It's like..... numbing or something.


I don't know.
I want Dylan here.  I need something to cuddle tonight.

No fucking tears.

it's raining outside today and somehow i managed to walk all the way to work without getting soaked or my hair going curly.
that's fucking talent at its fiiiiiiiinest.


ryan gave me a ride home though, that was nice.

work was slow cause of the rain.
i spent most of my time with a pokemon search and find book
and organizing the drawer on lane 11.
it always bothered me how there's always a pile of pointless shit in it
so i threw it all out

i'm sure superstore's happy with that :3

another plus about work; i work garden center next week.
yay for not being cooped up inside and getting to work outside.
and with music <3_<3
just sayin, my manager knows where it's at.


have a day off tomorrow, dk what i'm going to do yet.
i get paid but i've surrendered my bank and credit cards to my mother so that i can actually save money to move.
should be good.


i'm tired though
so nightskis. <3

dylan's going to get so sick of me when i move there, i can just tell

hailey and i are just....

god, life's going to get so good.

just got home from work........... it was looooong.
i can't believe how many guys hit on me despite the fact that i'm only 18 and i look about 15 (and i'm not talking about guys who are even relatively close to my age)
so i got off at 11:15 (after closing)
a couple of weeks ago, one of the first days back from my trip, two of these cab drivers that always sit in the superstore parking lot waiting for customers to call them over, they came up to me all "Do you have a boyfriend!" type thing
and i was like "uhhhh..... yeah."
That was enough to get them to leave me alone for a while.
But now when I work the late late evening shifts and I walk out and home alone
they like, harrass me all "do you need a ride, i'll let you ride for free"
And it's scary!  Cause they're old and sketchy and idk.
so i got super sketched out.
to sum up my night, ryan wasn't only nice enough to walk with me across the parking lot,
he also drove me home and bought me burger king too.

awe.

so now i'm sitting at home
tired as hell
eating mozzerella sticks hahahahhahaha

tomorrow's my baby brother's birthday.
he'll be 9 years old and holy shit does that make me feel old hahaha.
i rememebr when he was born
adlkfjalskdjflklsdf ten years older than him y'know
he's having a birthday party at ruckers
aaaaand my mom's not even going
so guess who gets to supervise these kids and do all this!
Moi.  On my day off.
Lovely!


I better go shower
and sleeep
and finish eating these mozza sticks (god bless ryan's heart!)
 

om nom nom.

PERFECT Sunday.




I will miss them.

Without stating names say something to three people.
1. I don't know what to do with you anymore exactly.  We've turned over a new leaf in our relationship but we're going to get through this too.
2. As much as you probably suspect, you don't disappoint me in the least bit.
3. I wish I could've acted a little more out of line with you.  Maybe everything would be different.

Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?
Definitely.

Why aren't you going out with the person you like?
Distance.  And no one would probably even guess it.

What's something that always gives you the chills?
Usually the cold, haha.

In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
Nope.

How has this past week been for you?
It started out shady but I'm really appreciating every moment, knowing that they are the last I'll spend with some of these people.

Who are you disappointed in right now?
Actually... I don't think anyone.

When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
Well that would certainly depend on the depth of friendship and how fond I was of them haha

What do people think about you that isn't true?
That I'm stupid.

How many months until your birthday?
11

What are you listening to?
My computer overheating.

Who's the first person in your Contacts List in your phone?
Alex from All Time Low - hahahahahahahahahahahaha oh warped tour.

Been caught doing something you weren't suppose to do?
Oh shit, yeah.

Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
It usually does.  Cause most of the time, it's them ganging up on me about it.

Name the first person you can think of that you know that has a tattoo?
Mommy

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Uh, bread haha

Do you currently have a hickey?
God no, those things are as tacky as all hell.

If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you?
Uh... with their words.  Straight forward.

When was the last time you cried really hard?
A couple of days ago, when I was on the phone with Hailey.  Won't get into details about what it was about exactly buuuut, it's the night I decided to move back home too.

Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
Dylan ftw.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I just did, woot.

What's one thing you want more than anything in your life?
To be happy.

What was on your mind mostly today?
Work, money, moving.

Last thing you gave to someone?
The Clap.  Juuuuuust kidding, I gave Steven a high five today though.

Do you like winter time?
Fuck that.

What was the last movie you watched?
I just finished Interview with a Vampire.  Queen of the Damned is on the list for tomorrow.

Suppose you see your boyfriend/girlfriend kissing another person?
Which ass do I kick first.

Did you ever lose a best friend?
Not really

If something was wrong, who is the first girl you would go to?
Momma Bear or Hail

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I definitely do.

Does the last person who put their arms around you mean anything to you?
Ehhh, yeah

Do you like to cuddle?
Absolutely.

Have you ever made out against a car?
No actually!

Are you ticklish?
In the right spots.

What’s the best feeling in the world?
Butterflies!

Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
Definitely.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Wouldn't even think twice before doing it.

What's on your bedroom floor?
Let's start with what isn't on my bedroom floor.

How many piercings do you have?
5

Ever kissed in the rain?
Yeah

How's your heart lately?
Why is this question on every damn survey I do.  I'm running out of witty answers

Are you a jealous person?
No no nononononono

Any plans for tomorrow?
Queen of the Damned, posting those pictures on facebook, laundry, and I work at some point in time.  Although the exact point is uncertain.

Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
When I'm walking.

Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
Yess

Do you bump into someone’s arm if you want to hold their hand?
hahaha, I've actually done that before.  So gay.

Do you want any tattoos? If so, where?
Yeah, we won't get into it right now though.  We'll just see where they end up as time goes on.

Wheres the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
In between a wall and a bedroom door when it was open.  Doesn't sound weird but the situation makes it haha

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I hope I have

What's the last thing you laughed at?
Something stupid Simon said about a sexual position and a Charizard.  Let's not get into it.

Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Hailey.  I think.  Or well, I had a semi heart to heart with Steven the other night driving home, it was nice.

Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Right now, yeah.  Cause I can't think of anyone that I'd truly be committed to for the rest of my life.  In theory though, it sounds nice.

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
"What the fuck happened to the car"

What color are your eyes?
Green

Who do you hate currently?
Hate, too strong a word

Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night?
Pretty much

Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced?
Depends.

i am going to miss your cute face!!!!!!




and i'm going to miss your ugly face!!!!!!!!!!!



But even more so:



i cannot wait to see your cute face everyday



and i can't wait to see your ugly face everyday.

He's so hot in this movie, that's all I can say.  I find that a lot of the Brad Pitt movies that I watch I find myself going "Oh my God, he's so beautiful" half the time.  Interview with a Vampire.... Troy <3_<3 etc. etc.


On another note though, momma bear's vehicle got vandalized last night.
Slashed tires
Smashed windshield
and they set the inside on fire

Fuck yeah, love this neighbourhood.

Stoked to move in.... three months now?
Sweet.

So after long consideration (not really), I've decided to make my great return to the beautiful lands of Alberta.

I'm still not sure how I feel about it, and quite honestly, I don't think it'll hit me till I'm there and my parents leave me to rot.

It's just.... way too surreal.  I moved about three and a half years ago and all I've looked forward to since then was moving back.  I visited... 12 times or some ridiculous number like that.  And I stayed lengthy periods of time that would have people fooled that I actually lived there again.  It cost me a lot of money but I needed to see some of the people there and I needed to feel I was still a part of that.  NEEDED.

My last trip went so well.  I didn't get to see quite everyone I wanted to, but the people I did get to see, I had amazing times with.  Y'know, friendship never is defined by how much you see a person rather than the quality of time you spend when you do get to see each other.  (I learnt that from a nice conversation with one of my best friends on the entire face of this planet, Kevin.  The context of the convo had something to do with an old lady, church and him walking her out to her car).  All my best friends live in Edmonton, people that I could never picture living without even if I hadn't seen them in a year or even more.

I did so many things, got to go to a few shows and see exactly what I missed so much about living in Edmonton.  I felt apart of something again, felt like I had something worth spending my time on.  I was with people who cared so much about me that it actually showed with the constant affectionate gestures and words.  Y'know, people who actually cared about what's going to happen to me.

Then when I got back, I was miserable.  Actually, scratch that.  It started about two days before I left, when it hit me that I had to leave again.  And when I say miserable, I mean like after a week or so, it started affecting me physically.  My mom calls it depression but I don't even like using that description.  Miserable's a more suiting term if you ask me.

But at that point, I kind of sat back and was like "Why am I still here!"  Honestly, I'm 18 years old, graduated, capable of saving up a small fortune to help pay with the move and as miserable as fuck.  Then I realized there's nothing really holding me back and that if I really thought I needed to, I should just go for it.

So that's where I'm at.  I've made arrangements for my living, surrendered my debit AND credit cards to my mother so that I can't use them for useless spending, and now I'm starting to pack.  I made all these decisions within an evening and as I said, it still hasn't hit me that it's going to happen.  I can't even fathom seeing Hailey everyday.... bleh it's just so weird lakdsfjaksdflaldsf.

Going there for good...... hahaha.

But I must admit, there's some things I'll miss about Brandon.

I'm going to miss the little group of friends I've made here that I actually cherish.  I'm going to miss my crazy Brittney, but I'm hoping to fuck that she comes and visits me at least once.  I'm going to miss her stupid ass mocking me and my voice everyday, hahaha.  And being able to pig out with her and text her stupid stuff!  And I'm really really really going to miss Steven.  I know I won't see or hear much from the crazy shit and I'm definitely going to miss the workplace antics, metal sharing, drives to Pizza Hut on Sundays, Metalocalypse quoting, random punching, late night texts that make no sense, and calling 4744 just to bug him.  It's weird cause I didn't think I'd miss anything or anyone but when we were talking about the fact that I'm actually leaving the other night, it hit me that I'm ACTUALLY going to miss him a lot.  Stupid Steven, being a bigger part of my Brandon life than I realized.

I'm also going to miss my stupid part time job at Superstore.  I was too busy convincing myself that I hated my job to realize that I actually love it.  I love being able to mindlessly put shit through.  I love being able to have somewhat control over what I work.  I love being babied by everyone.  I love not having to dread work because I love everyone I work with.  I love seeing new people as well as regulars everyday.  I love the stories I've taken from Superstore.  I'm not even kidding, I enjoy work.  I've worked there for so long that it feels weird to even think that I'm leaving it.

I don't know.  I'm going to miss my family too but that's a whole nother issue that we aren't even going to get into.


I don't know.
I'm moving back.
It's exciting.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot,
The world forgetting, by the world forgot,
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.

I'll find another brick to throw,
Another bottle to break.
You've got memories and I've got ghosts,
Kill the kind words we learned to know.
This is not the way things had to be,
You helped me see that star-crossed eyes aren't what they once were,
Pretty as they seem.
Come at me like you mean it,
With skeletons enough to fill a thousand closets,
do what you will.
It's out of my hands, do what you will.

I actually need to make a better effort at updating this.

Back in Brandon, and I've never been so upset in my life.  Well actually, I have but this is pretty bad.  I have the shittiest attitude towards everything and everyone and I'm sorry for the people that honestly have to put up with me at this point.  Especially Brittney and Steven, hah.  All they do is try to help but I practically throw it back in their faces.  I'm sorry guys, honest!

Edmonton was the best time ever.  I don't realize how much I miss it there till I go and see the smiling faces of those adorable people that I love and grew up with.  Being inseparable with Hailey for weeks at a time is right up my alley and just my perfect cup of tea.  My favorite part by far though, is having someone to sleep and cuddle with at night.  Whether it's Dylan or Hailey, I've never been so satisfied in my life.  No nightmares ever dare disturb me when I'm with someone else either, so that was a nice couple of weeks.  Although one day I did roll off Dylan's bed and completely lamped myself, creating a rather large bump.  In fact, I developed a shit ton of bruises by the time I left.  More than I've gotten since I moved to Brandon really, haha.

Did a photoshoot with Sinners Aide while I was out there as well, so much fun.  It was literally them just kind of picking me up on the side of the road and we made do with the equipment that I had on me (which was a fail.  One lens and no external flash, FML)  The pictures turned out pretty nice though and the guys seemed happy with the outcome so that's all I can really ask for.  Plus, tons of really nice feedback from really nice people.  And a few people are interested in me doing photo for various different projects for when I go back in June, so that'll be lovely.  Opportunities ftw.

Speaking of going back in June, I'm taking Brittney with me this time.  She's older than me by like three years and has never even left the province of Manitoba, so weird!  So I think it's time to introduce her to new friends, new experiences, new places and new food!  (I'll never get over the fact that donairs don't exist over here.)  Plus, we're going to see Andrew WK on the 27th, you have no idea how stoked I am on that.  Sucks that Hailey can't come, 18+ show.  But there's always next time.

Even more than that though, I can't wait to move back home.  Having to wait a bit over a year sucks but hey, that's life.  If I really really wanted to, I could move back within the next couple of months but financially, I don't think that's very smart.  I want to buy my kitchen table set and most of my living room tables, media stands etc. before I leave.  Couches, I'm not too big on though.  I want futooooons (:

Other news, Brittney's sister had her baby today and we went clothes shopping for him.  Honestly, being in the baby clothes section was wayyy too weird for me.  I was all like "Man, if I were pregnant, I could buy cute adorable baby clothes like this for it and dress it up"  And then I started thinking of weird shit like who in my life I would be most likely to have kids with at this point or get pregnant by.... and it was fucked up.  When we left the aisle, I gave my head a good shake and ended up wanting to punch myself in the face.  What comes across my mind at times, I don't even understand.

Anyways, I bought it this really really cute outfit that was all like "Captain Octopus" and had an octopus with an eyepatch and moustach, hahaha.  These are reasons that it's best that I stay unpregnant.  I'd dress my kids up in ridiculous clothes like this.  We got Shan some balloons as well and made our way over to the hospital.  The baby is SO adorable, it's not even funny.  He's so ridiculously small and tiny and has the longest fingers and toes I've ever seen in my life.  I've taken pride in referring to him as Spider Fingers. (:

After that, we went out for sushi and Chinese which was nice.  I don't understand why it happened but I got paid 200 bucks.  That was nice... considering I haven't worked in two weeks.  But whatever, I'm not correcting them.  Just caught a little off guard, that's all.  I need all the money that I can get though, I'm saving up for that beautiful external flash that I've had my eyes on forever.  Plus, definitely need a remote among other accessories.

I guess that's really all.  I'm getting tired of typing and I have the biggest headache in the world.  I want some pomegranate tea then I'm going to head to bed.  I miss home, that's the only thought in this entire entry that really matters.

PS - the Minor Threat discography is the best thing I've ever downloaded.  In my entire life.

"Let's face it. We've been making out to songs about break up and heart ache. But I've come to realize romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake. And I'm not saying I want to shake cities to the ground. I'm not saying that I want the rubble that remains to become lost and found where we find the kind of tolerance it takes to rebuild in the face of tragedy because I'm tired of living in a world that says people will only come together when faced with catastrophe. I want you. To want me. Be the me that you see when I'm free to be the me that got me next you and as for romance, well I want that too. I want to fall asleep next to you one hundred times a night so that I can know you one hundred times better before we hit the daylight and in spite of all of this; I also want amnesia. So that I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture. And with the sky at our fracture into the impossible weight of an apology because I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I want so much. I'm sorry that I'm reusing and I'm sorry that you're a crouch to lean on for so long. And if you sing me that song of sweet logic again, then I promise to make the effort to stand up on my own. There's a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone. I've known so many people who've grown up, flexing in front of mirrors, falling for their own reflection and etiquette and that's bullshit because we only get from now to the time we go. And if they only have time to love themselves, then no one's going to be around to hear the sound of their heart beat echo. So lady, don't expect an apology when I tell you that I'm only held together by a heart that pumps glue. It's the strongest muscle in my body. And I'm flexing it, for you.
"

idfk what i want anymore. -_-







;lkjhgfdghjkl;'

it's funny how i can frustrate myself o.o


i kinda wish i worked this afternoon
so i could mindlessly do nothing
yet make money for it.
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some days when i see really cute girls with really cute pink hair, it makes me wanna dye it back >.<

I love this picture!
And how this is Eric's initial reaction EVERY time I take out my camera



I'm actually pretty sure it's what a lot of people want to do haahaha